Marlene's story
Coming to terms with a tragedy can be extremely difficult, but it doesn't have to be tackled alone. Marlene Render, of LBF's Auckland volunteer group "Friends of Leukaemia" shares her story.
In 1997, shortly before Marlene and her two children, Giselle then aged 15 and Sergia aged 6, were due to emigrate from South Africa to New Zealand, her husband Brian died from acute myeloid leukaemia (AML).
The suddenness with which Brian's illness struck caught the whole family off guard, leaving lots of unanswered questions and completely turning their world upside down. However, a chance introduction to the Leukaemia & Blood Foundation (LBF), and later its Auckland volunteer group, helped to play an important part in the healing process.
Brian returned to Cape Town shortly before Christmas to accompany his family back to New Zealand, having already spent three months here settling into his new job as a boat builder and preparing for his family's arrival. “He seemed fine," recalls Marlene, "although he had lost a little weight and looked a bit tired, which I just put down to the long flight. Then, one evening when we were talking, making some final preparations, he got up to go to the bathroom and just collapsed." At first he was thought to be suffering from dehydration, a result of the long flight, but when his condition worsened he was taken to hospital where Marlene was told the shattering news that Brian had AML. He was immediately started on a course of intensive chemotherapy but his condition worsened and shortly into the New Year, he passed away.
Faced with the prospect of organising a funeral and an uncertain future Marlene made the big decision, against the wishes of family and friends, to continue with the plans she and Brian had made and boarded a plane for New Zealand, knowing that it would have been what he wanted.
“We arrived in a new country knowing no one," remembers Marlene. "I had a set of keys for a house but I wasn't even sure where it was. Luckily, Brian's boss was at the airport to meet us. We arrived at our new home, which was everything I had dreamed of, to find all our belongings unpacked, right down to my clothes and shoes neatly laid out in the wardrobe. Brian had prepared everything and had obviously been planning to surprise us. If it hadn't been for the familiarity of the furniture and the hugely warm welcome we received from neighbours, who had obviously come to know Brian in the short time he'd been there, I think I would have been completely lost. They embraced us and made us feel hugely welcome and it was such a nice introduction to New Zealand.”
A short time after moving into the new house a letter arrived for the old tenant from the Leukaemia & Blood Foundation. “The timeliness of it was overwhelming," recalls Marlene, "it was exactly what I needed. I had lots of unanswered questions after Brian's death and got in touch immediately. Being able to speak to other people who had gone through similar experiences, overcome them and moved on with their lives gave me the strength I needed to get things back on track, and really helped with the healing process. Since that first introduction five years ago, the LBF has come to play an important part in my life and I am hugely passionate about supporting its work. I only wish Brian could have benefited from the services and support other patients have access to here.
"When something like this happens it makes you embrace life differently and I'm just so grateful that I found the Leukaemia & Blood Foundation when I did. I still experience moments of sadness, never more so than when our daughter turned 21 this year, a moment Brian had always looked forward to, but it helps to know that I have people I can call on in those moments.”
If you are caring for someone with leukaemia or a related blood disorder and would like someone to speak to, contact one of LBF's Support Services Coordinators on 0800 15 10 15.