When Gary Fredericksen went to a respiratory specialist with a chest complaint, he didn’t think it was a big deal. However he became concerned when the specialist found lumps on his body and referred him for a biopsy. After a nervous long wait, Gary was told he had stage four lymphoma.
Gary tried to keep things to himself to start with, but his wife Maree knew something wasn’t right. After a lot of questioning, Gary handed her the letter with the results on it.
“When I read that letter I just fell to bits,” says Maree.
Gary and Maree had never heard of lymphoma and didn’t understand what the diagnosis meant. In the busy period right before Christmas they were able to see a doctor and have some questions answered.
The doctor said “well this won’t be the thing that kills you”, which was actually really nice to hear at that time, says Gary.
Maree knew a client through her work who had leukaemia who she went straight to for advice.
“The first thing she told me was to not look at anything on the internet and to go and speak to Leukaemia & Blood Cancer New Zealand (LBC),” says Maree.
Gary didn’t take the news of his diagnosis well and did not want to acknowledge it or speak about it. He now admits that he was in complete denial.
I was a fitness freak my whole life and to be honest I thought that I was bulletproof.
“I didn’t want to talk to anyone about my diagnosis. I just wanted to get on with my life.”
Gary was told his lymphoma was chronic which meant it did not presently require treatment. He instead has been put on active monitoring until his condition becomes acute.
Maree contacted LBC as Gary was not comfortable doing so at that time.
“I went to LBC and met Rebecca who really reassured me things were going to be ok.”
“She gave me so many books to read and take home to Gary and it helped to know we had someone to talk to,” says Maree.
Gary says that while he tried to live in denial he lost a lot of his self-esteem. Eventually he decided to go with Maree to talk to LBC and everything turned around.
“When I met Rebecca it was like a light switched on. She was so bright and positive and she really made all the difference to my head space,” says Gary.
Soon after, the Fredericksen’s attended a mindfulness course which helped Gary to adopt a more positive attitude.
“The mindfulness course helped me to build the confidence back that I lost when I was diagnosed. There were so many other people there in similar positions to me and they were happy. It showed me it wasn’t all doom and gloom,” says Gary.
Although being on active monitoring can often be stressful for a patient and their families, Gary has learnt to accept his diagnosis and not let it hold him back in life.
I have no hesitations telling people that I have cancer because it’s now something that I don’t run away from.
The Fredericksen’s say that attending support groups at LBC gives them a place to share with others so they do not dwell on things alone.
Through support groups, Gary has learnt how to take a positive approach to life as he says “negativity gets you nowhere”.
“The support group is a place to talk with an even playing field. It’s a safe environment where no one judges you,” says Gary.
“Every time we attend a support group we take something new away with us that we didn’t know before.”
Gary and Maree are aware that eventually Gary will need treatment but they choose to not look that far ahead and instead focus on enjoying their life together.
Along with the support he has received from LBC, Gary says Maree has been incredibly supportive since his diagnosis and that she has taken on a ‘project manager’ role in managing his health and progress.
“The biggest advice I would give to anyone with blood cancer is to take away all the negative thoughts in your mind. If you think positively then there is nothing to worry about!”