Rose Stokes and her husband Colin have always been open and honest with their three children. So when Rose was diagnosed with lymphoma in early 2014, they decided to make sure their family knew exactly what was going on.
After feeling unwell for a long time, Rose went to see multiple doctors who were unable to give her a definitive diagnosis.
Rose told her children straight away that she was going for tests.
“We didn’t want any secrets in our house,” says Rose.
Rose’s youngest son Alex says it was good to be told right from the start that something was going on.
It’s scarier when you don’t know what is happening at all because then you always think the worst.
The family relocated to Auckland at the beginning of 2014 with Rose still unsure as to what was making her feel so unwell. One week after the move she was finally given a diagnosis of peripheral T cell lymphoma, a kind of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Rose’s three children, Daniel (14), Jana (12) and Alexander (11) were told straight away.
The family have been able to openly discuss Rose’s treatment together and help her through the really tough times.
Although they are still relatively young, the children feel they have become more responsible since Rose was diagnosed and have tried to help the family in any way they can.
“We gave mum a spa and massage night and did her nails, we run her baths after she’s had a big day and we always make sure we get her out of the house to exercise so she is keeping healthy!” says Jana.
One thing that they have got to help with which they never thought would happen was to cut off all their mum’s hair.
I knew I would lose my hair from the chemotherapy so I decided it would go on my own terms.
The children all helped her by cutting it into a bowl cut then a mohawk before shaving it all off. This made the whole process easier and everyone felt more comfortable seeing Rose without hair.
Each child has decided who to tell out of their friends and peers at school. Jana’s teacher told her class that Jana’s mum had cancer.
“I’m really glad my teacher told everyone because it has made it much easier for me to talk about it on my own terms. If I ever got upset I knew that people would understand,” says Jana.
Both Alex and Jana agree that animals are a help during difficult times and they have both gone to their pets for comfort and a cuddle.
“I have put a lot of my energy into my horse and our cat as they help me to think and are very calming to be around,” says Jana.
Alex likes having the family cat around to sit and spend some quiet time with when he has lots on his mind.
Despite being unwell, Rose has still tried as best she can to be there for the family.
“Mum is still here but not in the way she used to be but we know she always tries her best,” says Alex.
“It can be hard sometimes when you are playing sport or doing something and you turn around and mum’s not there, but we know she would be there if she could.”
The children admit that despite knowing all about Rose’s autologous transplant at the end of 2014 they were still a bit worried.
“Mum going to hospital for a month did scare me a bit,” says Alex. However knowing where she would be and what was happening helped them to prepare for the change.
Mum’s cancer has changed our family forever and it will always be a part of our lives.
“Everyone’s situation is different and we are all learning what works for each of us to deal with everything.”